Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Love and Acceptance

Is love not acceptance? But do we know what that means. Do you even think it's possible to accept someone completely. To love them as they are. To want nothing more than what reality can give. To appreciate each moment and be grateful, and never grasp for more. Allowing yourself and your loved ones to be freed. Free to pursue what makes them happy. To love another without thinking we need them. To love someone without wanting them to change.

This love is timeless and mature. It's not based on the role those people play in our lives. Not based on what they can give us. It's the only way to see them clearly, without projecting our hopes and fears on them. We can certainly say "he/she makes me happy", but we must know that happiness comes from within. We are enjoying the experience, but there's no sense of 'need' to ruin it. You can hold them without fear of letting go, you can look them in the eye and feel connected, knowing it may one day come to an end and it doesn't lessen the experience.

You can know that there is no betrayal if we follow our hearts. If we're honest with ourselves and each other. No one has to fulfill their promises, spoken or unspoken. That might be upsetting but it's hard to deny. No one owes us affection, no one owes us devotion, no one owes us love or attention. We are responsible for our own feelings. When we take care of ourselves the best that we can by letting go of attachments, we begin to cherish what we have. We become less self absorbed, less selfish, and more satisfied by 'simpler' things. If there's any way to make love last, it's to stop wanting or expecting it to last.

There is a way but no one's saying it's easy. It's the only way to live with less fear and more freedom. Love may last forever but it doesn't need to. Love can last forever but it happens one day at a time. No special words or ceremonies can guarantee our future.

Think about the people you love. Friends, partners, family. Think about your expectations, even simple ones. Do you expect them to ask how you are when they see you? It's not right or wrong. If we want to be happy, it's about what's effective. Think of what you want from them, expect of them. Consider for a moment how your desires affect the way you perceive them, how your desires shape your opinion of what they do and who they are. Doing so may help you realize, how wanting more than they can give has altered how you think they feel about you. Do what you can to 'trust' them. Take them at their word, accept them as they are. Want less and love more. Find happiness within and let it guide you forward, together or alone.

Don't make someone else responsible for how your every mood by giving them your heart. Don't make someone else responsible for the direction of your life. It's a burden. To be responsible for someone else's moods is a burden. Don't put that weight on the people you love. Love freely without expectation and your heart can't be broken. Be responsible for yourself and recognize that no one can break your heart unless you depend on them for happiness. Don't. The only happiness that lasts is that which comes from within and that comes with freedom. It comes with accepting that you can't fault other people for loving or not loving you. You can't fault them for what makes them happy. Do what you need to do to be happy. Accept that they should too.


  1. I like it in theory. What about in practice. When you are with someone for a long time and you have a family how can you not have expectations of them and their role within that family? For instance I except my husband, the father of my child to contribute to the household and to the rearing of our children. If I let go of that expectation and he realizes "hey I don't have to get up with the kids at 4am ever again because she will do it always without expecting me to" then I'm placing a much larger burden on myself. It's not easy to raise children on your own and if I wanted to be a single parent I wouldn't have any expectations of anyone but myself, but I choose to have a partner who is expected to contribute. Just like he expects me to take care of the children while he is at work. These are our roles in our relationship. What happens when we abandon our expectations of each other. Do the children suffer? ;) Not trying to argue, just wanted to add some food for thought, and a little debate.

    Love ya :P

  2. Do you do things only because it's expected of you? You love your children and y ou want to be with them. You want to take care of them. The thing about expectations is it can be dangerous to attach yourself to them. Your expectations alone are not going to change how other people truly feel, on a deep level. It may have the ability to guilt them into doing things they don't want to do and that may help you in some circumstances but ultimately it helps if we let other people do what they need to, to be happy. You love each other and your kids. What I'm saying is, it's better to appreciate the fact that someone does something to help you because it's what they want to do and it's what makes them happy.

    It becomes a problem if you expect them to do this or that, and of their own free will, they don't, and you begin to wallow in self pity and feel like a victim. That doesn't solve anything. If you were no longer in love, it would be reasonable to part, that wouldn't make one or other person bad, and it wouldn't be bad either to persuade them into realizing how important it is to help raise your children.